genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Who died my cat blue again?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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