i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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