New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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