and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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