On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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