brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
