You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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