Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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