I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
