Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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