Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
