Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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