All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
