sarcasm needs its own font
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
how does that bad decision feel?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
