Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
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He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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