Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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