but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
