Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
