I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
