the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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