so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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