my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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