You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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