Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
