i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize