I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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