The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
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I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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