I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
