he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
