I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
