Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
