handjob tips. give me some.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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