apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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