The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
