i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This is my gift to your gina
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
