So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
