My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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