You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
