yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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