It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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