just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
