She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
