Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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