just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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