Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
