If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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