the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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