3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
