i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
