sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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