I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
