Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
