We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
