How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
