I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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