Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
