Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
