she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
