A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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