Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
