I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
