so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
