At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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