ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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