dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
