we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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