Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
