my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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