I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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