it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
