I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
