Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
