I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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