bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
