Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
